From Failure to Thrive

I wanted to breastfeed my daughter for many reasons. It is so healthy for both of us with the antibodies that they get. Plus, studies show it boosts the immune system of both mom and baby, babies who are breastfed are less likely to experience childhood obesity, and it was much cheaper than formula.

This time was a little harder to get started than with my son, since I was induced my milk wasn't quite in. So, I started out pumping as much as I could and using donor milk. It took some work, but she is now 18 months and we are still going strong.

We have had several struggles nursing Harper. As I have already mentioned, I was induced so my milk wasn't quite in, then Harper was jaundiced and had some low blood sugars. She was even in NICU for a little while.

Upon our release, my son was diagnosed with the Flu so Harper and I had to stay with my parents for a week until his symptoms were gone. During this time, Harper was losing weight instead of gaining it. She wasn't latching well and was spitting up all bottles of milk and formula given to her. 

At this point, I was still pumping and using donor milk but was told to add formula to add calories. At 2 months, she was hospitalized for failure to thrive and after many more tests, trials, and doctors, she was diagnosed with a milk and soy protein intolerance. So, Harper and I went dairy and soy free. We were that way for just over a year when she successfully passed the reintroduction of milk and soy.

Thankfully, I had amazing support from my husband, kids and close family and friends. Plus, I had support groups both in person and online and breast-feeding clinics with WIC and help from a lactation consultant - who was amazing. 

I highly recommend the weekly hospital support groups. Our pediatrician whole heartedly supports breastfeeding and was happy to help us continue in our journey even with our struggles. 

Another positive note is that most of my family just goes about their day when I am feeding Harper. There are a few members who are still, I won't say embarrassed, but old fashioned and modest about it.

When I am at my Aunt's or my Grandma's they ask that if the "men" are around, I go to the other room. My mother still asks when I am going to wean as she feels Harper is too old. Jace, my son, doesn't really pay much attention at first although just recently, when I was nursing Harper, he tried to latch himself which was actually pretty funny.  

So far, I have hit all my goals. I wasn't able to breastfeed my first daughter, so with Jace, my goal was small at first of 1 month, then 6 and then a year. At 53 weeks he stopped feeding. With Harper and all our struggles, I wanted at least a year.

I have chosen to do baby led weaning. Right now, she is 18 months. Our typical feeding is bedtime and occasionally one other time during the day. So, I am happy no matter what happens now. It still works for us so there is no reason to rush her.

I love the ease of nursing once it is established. No extra equipment needed to feed her, just pull out a boob and go. I love the one on one time that inherently comes with nursing. This is something that is just the 2 of us. Others may be there, but they won't have that connection in that moment that her and I do. There is a bond made during feeding that is amazing. I also can't deny the cost difference of breastfeeding vs formula is HUGE!!

I think with each child I will remember something different. With Zoe, I will look back and be sad we didn't get a chance for that connection and I realize now what a sad support system we had back then and how little we still knew. With Jace, I will always remember how he got his nickname of Monkey Man because he would bob his head on my shoulder with his mouth open when he was hungry and looked just like a monkey. And now, with Harper, I will remember how she loves to hold her foot when she feeds and also loves to do breastfeeding yoga while feeding.

My best advice is to forgive yourself. This isn't easy and tv does such a bad job at making it look so easy and natural. There will be times when trying you will hate it and want to give up. There are days you are so tired you don't think you can go on anymore. There may be other issues that you can't help that might prevent you from breastfeeding. Just know it is ok to feel all of this. It is ok to pump. It is ok to give a bottle. It is ok to give formula. It is ok to breastfeed. As long as you love your little one and you are doing your best, then you are doing a great job. Also, help is there - don't ever be afraid to ask. We have all been there.

I think it is always important to remember that each situation is different, and no one has all the answers. As moms we need to support each other and not shame someone for their choices. Remember that nourishing your baby, no matter how, is all that matters. Don't forget it is perfectly fine to feed in public, uncovered.  If someone has an issue, just throw a napkin on their head!

Thank you for reading Valerie’s Story. Comment below with something you will always remember from your nursing journey and come back tomorrow for the next story.