Breastfeeding and Pregnant

Let’s be honest

When I started my breastfeeding journey almost 5 years ago (gasp, how has is been that long?!?), I never would have guessed that it would become so big a part of my life.

When I began, I had done research and decided that I wanted to nurse my daughter and then wean when she turned one. Boy was I wrong. It became such an important part of our lives that I did not in fact wean as she hit her magic first birthday but a bit after her THIRD. Oh ho ho. What a big difference in time that was. And if I am being honest, I only weaned her completely then because I was due with my son in a couple more weeks.

Then my son came along and I didn’t set any goals or expectations out loud. But I did know that I wanted to breastfeed, and that I wanted to nurse him until he was ready to wean. Planning likely after he was two years old.

So many differences

Now to say these two are different people and different nursers would be a huge understatement. If they could be opposite in any way at all, they are – and nursing is no exception. From the way we began, to the struggles we have had, to the way they way with me to nurse. It is all different.

See, my daughter began her life in the NICU and was given both a bottle and a pacifier before I ever had the chance to nurse her. I was terrified about nipple confusion and if there was any chance at all that would even be able to nurse her. And yet, she nursed like a champ from the very first latch. Sure, we had our difficulties but they were minor. She was a picture perfect breastfeeder from day one until we stopped.

My son on the other hand – I was able to nurse him before the nurses even did a single check on him. He ready took to the breast and I was hopeful all would be good. But he had a shallow latch. Sweet kid. I think his issue in the beginning was that I still had milk from nursing my daughter. A lot of milk. And to keep the flow to a manageable level, he would not latch correctly.

After seeing several IBCLCs and attending a few breastfeeding groups, he still had a shallow latch and his pediatrician wanted me to triple feed or give him formula. I knew that I had the milk, I was not going to triple feed and the idea of formula at that point really made me aggravated to say the least.

So, I stuck to my guns and just kept nursing. Now he weighs almost as much as my daughter and has always been higher on his growth curve. I am so glad I stuck to what I knew my baby and my body needed.

But this is not to say that he does not to this day have a shallow latch. Our other big struggle is he loved to pinch my breast while we nurse. What is that? I know that most babies massage the breast in some manner to help get more milk out but this pinching is simply awful.

What I love most

I do still love the way that he will climb up into my lap or lay next to me to nurse himself to sleep. Even as he approaches his second birthday. It isn’t the same snuggly cuddle as I had with my daughter but he is sweet in his own way.

Breastfeeding has never been as big a part of his life as it ever was for Sarah but he is definitely not ready to give it up either.

To wean or not to wean

Now all of this was fine, until I got some news – good but unexpected news. We are expecting our third Earthside baby. Yay! Except for two things, I have high risk pregnancy due to pre-term labor and he is almost two being a stinker to nurse in any kind of comfort. So, the question has arrived: do I wean him or do I tandem nurse?

He is not nearly as reliant on breastfeeding as his sister but does still lean on it when he is upset or when he is tired. He is also not actually two yet, which is where I really wanted to nurse until. But at the same time, I don’t feel like he really needs it for the nutrition anymore as he eats table food like it’s going out of style. And truthfully, I don’t want to tandem a crazy, playful toddler and a newborn.

But then the guilt sets in. He already doesn’t know what is happening with bringing a new baby into the house. He already is not going to understand I can’t sleep with him anymore. He already is not going to understand why this new being is taking my attention and my body and stealing his milk.

So what do I do?

For now, I am choosing not to make a decision and let everything play out. I am not nursing as much during the day and keeping it only at night and for nap unless he gets one of those infamous toddler booboos. And we will see what happens as the end of the year approaches.

Nursing aversion and pain while nursing

One last thing I want to mention in my current breastfeeding journey. And that is the terrible nursing aversion a lot of mamas get when they are pregnant, partially due to the nipple pain that accompanies it.

This pain, and these feelings are real. I have almost completely stopped nursing on my left side because the pain is too intense the entire time he nurses. The right still hurts on latch but generally stops the longer he is there.

When I was pregnant with my son, and nursing my daughter, I had this pain but only in the first trimester. With this little one is does not seem to be going away. I want you all to know this is normal. It hurts and it sucks but it is normal.

I have chosen to implement more boundaries and continue on. With both of them, when I know the pain is mostly from a bad latch, I will pop them off and tell them to try again. This generally works.

Thank you so much for joining me for the first day of the 31 Days, 31 Stories Breastfeeding Awareness Project! I hope you follow along and give the other mamas some love and support throughout the month! There is still room for a few more mamas to join us in telling your story. If you would like to share your story contact me and we can discuss all the details.

Note All images in this blog post were taken by Upstreet Photography.