To the outside world, I have given up so much for this journey. The ability to wear “normal clothes,” a bra completely (because why bother?), the ability to leave my babies more than a few short hours, sleep, so many things….. But…

“My son was in the NICU the first day, so I didn’t get the chance for the ‘golden hour’ of spending time with just us. When I tried to latch him, it was very difficult and it left me feeling frustrated - I almost gave up.”

Becoming a mom has been a challenging and exciting experience and I’ve learned that not everything goes according to plan. My number one focus is his health and happiness and I’m much better at that when I am healthy and happy too!

I love the bond that nursing creates between the baby and me. It's something I will always remember that is different from the bond anyone else shares with him.

I love that he holds my finger or onto my shirt when I nurse him. Or the infamous milk drunk sleep that he gets when he falls asleep after nursing.

My how it was worth it. Despite feeling helpless because there was no actual way for me to get you to transfer milk (at first), feeling like I “wasn’t” breastfeeding because I was only pumping (lies!), wondering if it was time to call it quits and go to formula (absolutely nothing wrong with that).

I’ve had oversupply, forceful let down, engorgement and sore cracked nipples in the early days. I’ve navigated breastfeeding while baby is on oxygen, biting, recurring clogged ducts and mastitis. With my last two I’ve had mild DMER (dysphoric milk ejection reflex) which for me felt like extreme fullness/disgust for a minute prior to letdowns.

None of these things have discouraged me from continuing (stubborn, remember) and while it sounds like a lot of negative- for me the positive experience of breastfeeding FAR outshines the struggles. I love nursing!

I want to remember so many things about our breastfeeding journey, from the way she snuggles to fit in the crook of my body while we nurse to sleep, to the way she squishes her face into my boob when she is trying to have it just a little longer.

I have never had an issue with my supply or mastitis, my biggest struggle has been trying to figure out how to breastfeed my babies without suffocating them (as I have large breasts), also needing to cut dairy out for both of my boys has been super difficult. Also cutting out caffeine with my second has been tricky since I work nights and love my coffee.

Eventually I realized that this not only wasn't increasing my supply by much, but just wasn't working for our family. Since then we have had a much more relaxed approach and have found a system that works for us and keeps her growing and thriving. We are fortunate enough to have a recurring donor for supplement milk, and my supply has become sustainable through trial and error.

My breastfeeding journey with my sweet LillyBug, just like our birth story, started much differently than my other stories. When she was born, it seemed as though she would latch ok. But then as bottles and syringes were given to her to help her blood sugars come up, it became apparent that we were going to have a hard time.

She crosses her a little ankles. She has to be holding onto a handful of my shirt. Sometimes when she is really sleepy, she’ll start making a humming noises until I start singing or humming back to her. And if I take too long to do that, she’ll slap my chest to make sure I’m paying attention.

The midwives at Planned Parenthood would tell me that the size of my breast didn’t matter, but I couldn’t help but still be nervous. Then, once she was born I had absolutely no problem producing, and my breasts grew so large that I was gifted this sun ray pattern.

Milk was spraying everywhere, my boobs felt like concrete and hurt like hell, and my baby felt like he was fighting me every time we nursed! Of course, now, in retrospect and with my experience and knowledge as a birth worker, I know all the little things I was doing that overcomplicated things and it could have been so much easier! But in the moment, it was really awful.

“After 3 babies, multiple lactation consultants, herbs, and meds I felt like I had finally achieved a huge dream. He's now 15 months old and It's still his favorite thing!”

My own little boy was born one year ago today. As I look back at his birth, I remember so many details and all the joy and pain of the whole experience. I am beyond glad I hired Monet to document the first moments of our family becoming four. A super long post of my journey into mothering this sweet boy.

Day one of the 31 Days, 31 Stories project is my story of nursing my little boy and a few of the things that are different than nursing my little girl.

Pumping and co-sleeping can be heated topics in the breastfeeding world. Learn about how this Colorado mom does it.

Breastfeeding is hard to most moms in the beginning. Learn about this beautiful mama's beginning with her first daughter and how she is doing now. 

Becoming a mother again, I thought I had breastfeeding all figured out, it only took an hour to see that I still had some learning to do.