Pushing through moments to breastfeed by Michaela Lawson

I can remember feeling totally overwhelmed by my last trimester of pregnancy; when I get overwhelmed I shut down. Any and all research about delivery and breastfeeding stopped, and I honestly had very little information going into it. I knew I would try to breastfeed, that “breast was considered best” but I wanted to just let it all run its course and deal with it when the baby was here.

But breastfeeding, breastfeeding was on a whole other level of its own, completely different from the delivery pains, recovery pains, lack of sleep, not knowing really how to take care of this small helpless human… and it was hard. Really hard.

I was discouraged it wasn’t more intuitive, more natural, and it certainly was way more work and pain just to get the dang hang of it. Now take into account that I personally faced a lot of challenges in the beginning; inverted nipples, tongue tie, oversupply, thrush, medical grade pump rentals. I often felt as though I was in the twilight zone, feeling pain that made my toes curl, staying up all hours of the night googling how to curb my oversupply, buying cabbage leaves, frozen peas, fenugreek, whatever was mentioned just once in an article, I was willing to give it a try with hopes it could help me out.

That time between deliver and actually feeling somewhat normal and not like my breasts were going to explode out of my chest seemed never ending. Add that with the very little sleep and a babe with acid reflux issues, I though, no I know, I had lost my damn mind. It was a blur.

My competitive nature caught fire from the beginning though, and there was no way I would just give up on it especially when road block after road block were being added in.

So, I stuck with it and eventually it did level out and we both finally got the hang of it. We got that special bond every mom raves about, I got to stare into his beautiful blue eyes, and feel that sense of accomplishment of providing my son nourishment.

For ten months. Ten months I gave up my body to the little human I loved beyond words. For ten months, I was his sole provider, and all the work, pain, tears, seemed to pay off. Right at ten months though, like clockwork, he started biting. My supply was just not enough, he was always wanting/needing more, and I just didn’t have it.

I knew, and he was reassuring me, that we needed to be done. I cried. I sat in my bedroom ‘power pumping’ figuring I could get my supply back up. I felt this horrible sense of failure since my goal was feeding him for one year was diminishing, vaporizing right in front of my eyes.

This time though, the struggles I faced before this moment just weren’t enough to overcome, I was done fighting, and it was time. Time to let go and move forward. And my babe, he was totally okay with it. I thought he would ask for it, cry for me in the night, tug on my shirt, but it didn’t happen, not even once. I’d look at him and my arms would literally ache to hold him across my chest the way we used to, but I would just have him snuggle with me a little longer before bed, or I would mimic the same hold bare chested with a bottle in hand.

Weaning was just a step, a part in life that signifies growing up. I would now even classify it in the same feelings as him growing out of a favorite outfit, or saying a new word. It pinches at your heartstrings. But it reassures you that you’re doing right as a mother, you are your child are growing up, together. And things are progressing forward exactly as they should be.

--- Michaela Wolf Lawson, is a Colorado native, a mom, wife, Realtor, marketer, writer, and strong believer that everyone has a story… if you just give them the opportunity to share it. There is so much knowledge out there that is just waiting to be uncovered and shared, which was the driving force for her to start a blogging site dedicated for anyone who wants to share their life’s journeys, businesses, passions, and experiences. It’s a place that others can benefit from and continue to learn and grow from, no matter what age or stage they are at in their lives. Fine her website here: www.elev8thelife.com

*All images found in this blog are from Michaela